Introduction to a Special Week

Dear Reader: I have urgent need to correct a few misunderstandings. Last week, as part of ongoing efforts to ensure quality control at this blog, I posed a question to the Twitterverse: “What are the pros and cons of using a post rating system on a website?” Like this:

A straightforward question, yes? Yet the response I received utterly astonished me.

One individual – a regular reader of this blog, I am sorry to say – tweeted back, “Ugh. I don’t think so… You need something else to really get your insecurities going, LOL?”

Broad Hints, Zombies, and Mumblemumble

1. It’s February, which means the approach of Valentine’s Day. The Tart likes chocolate (Godiva), gift certificates to Chapters/Indigo (not the A monstrosity, thank you very much), and cowboys.

2. The last item in #1 doesn’t ship very well through Canada Post. They get stuck in the mail slot, and waiting 2-4 weeks for delivery tends to piss them off. I might be going out on a limb here, but I’m quite certain no one likes to receive a pissed off Valentine’s Day cowboy.

I Reject Thee on Grounds of Thy Cadence

Not clear on what cadence is? I have a brief illustration:

I do not like green eggs and ham,
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am

A classic, yes? But take a simple stanza like that, give it to the likes of Mariah Carey, and they develop a whole ‘nother style — one which might be visually represented like this:

I do not like green eggs and ha-am,
I do not like them, Saaaammm-I-Aaa-a-a-ahhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,with the M’s dragging on to infinity; so much so, that they begin to choke the airways of anyone within hearing distance; and the victims clutch at their throats in desperation while they fall to the ground, their faces turning an eggplanty purple while Mariah sings and sings, her eyes upcast as if to follow her soaring voice, which conveys a rapturous purity—

Three Hunks and a Poll

This morning, if I were a bullet type, I’d be buckshot; should I attempt to make a smoothie, I’d forget the lid. In other words, peeps, my thoughts are scattered.

And why fight it? We’re good enough buds by now I can say that without apologizing.

Mostly.

So, in the spirit of staying loose and goofy, in which we really have more fun anyway…

1. A link, which is fab, and which — if you write romance or use it as a subplot in your fiction — you’d be wise to read. The only thing Laurie Hutzler gets wrong in discussing three recent romantic comedies, and why they left you feeling “meh” rather than “wow”, is her failure to mention The Gerard’s failure to show much flesh as of late. (What’s up with that?)

Results of the “Lessons in French” Contest Giveway

I have to say a formal thanks, once again, to Laura Kinsale for a fantastic interview. I could feel your collective sigh of relief upon learning there is more than one way to write a book, and they don’t all involve relentless daily wordage. 

Or threatening one’s muse.

And now the results, which were generated through random.org in an extremely objective and scientific process:

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Laura Kinsale on Writing, Sirens, and “Lessons in French”

Gentle Reader, in October of 2009, I had the privilege of numbering Ms. Laura Kinsale among this blog’s readers. The result? Faster than she could say, “Thanks for this, my second RITA”, I hit her up for an interview. She said yes. Please join me in welcoming the NYT best-selling author of twelve historical romances – one of which was released only yesterday – Laura Kinsale. 

There’s one question I’m dying to ask, and I’m certain many readers will share my curiosity: What’s with the hats? If you have a fetish, will you be indulging it in publicity photos for your new book, Lessons in French?  

I love hats!  I have no idea why women are not required to wear hats in public anymore.  Or men either.  (Have you seen Matt Bomer wearing a fedora?)   Some recent scores: I snared a pink and purple Emilio Pucci rain hat on sale, and bought a great fuschia-and-black wool winter hat by an Estonian designer when I visited Talinn this summer.

I guess there’s a danger of ending up looking like those old ladies who wear the big sun hats with bows, but since I began aging backwards at 35 (with sunscreen), I refuse to recognize the threat.  Speaking of fedoras, I tried to talk my husband into one, but he ended up buying it for me.  You can’t look like an old lady in a fedora. 

I’ve read that you gave no real thought to writing until age thirty-five, when you were a geologist often stuck in remote locations. You began to read out of boredom, fell in love with story, and not long after, found a few plots you wanted to execute. Once you decided you wanted to write, can you describe your learning curve and road to publication? 

It wasn’t quite like that.  I have always wanted to write fiction, but could never think of a plot.  I wrote my first story in 3rd grade, about the Lost Colony, and gave it a happy ending.  Then I had a dry spell until high school, when I got a story published in the school magazine.  Another dry spell, until I started writing romances on legal pads during those all-nighters out on drilling rigs.

I’ve never had any formal training to write fiction.  I don’t think it’s necessary and it could actually be counter-productive, depending on the agenda of the teacher. The best training for writing is to read, and then to go back and analyze how the writer did it.  When I did that with some of my favorite writers and scenes, what I found was how little it took to create an emotion, if the right words were chosen.  I think it’s helpful to read outside the genre you write in, too.  Read as widely as you can.

 

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Life-Long Learner

It took me twelve years of public education, eight years of university, thirteen years in practice, and seventeen years as a mom, but yesterday I finally learned a crucial fact:

Animal cells come only in cherry chip flavor.

Something Un-Fishy’s Afoot

I will begin by stating what you are not to do: take note of the dinnerware.

Corelle’s practical, okay? I’m a practical woman.  

That alright with you?  

Having established that boundary, you may now admire my latest culinary endeavor.    

The Tart Interviews the Amy Bai

Gentle Reader, Amy Bai and I met on a writing forum, and almost from the first, I fell in love with her voice and energy. When it came time to build my interviewing muscles for Laura Kinsale and I needed a victim volunteer, she headed my list of candidates.

Well, she made my top ten, anyway.

Amy, thanks for being here. I’ve had the privilege of reading your work elsewhere, but many of our readers won’t be so fortunate. Can you tell us about the book that earned you your agent?

Flattery will get you anywhere, anywhere at all.

Sword is a coming-of-age high fantasy set in a fictional kingdom on the edge of war. The setup’s not too crazy-complicated: girl grows up different, sullen, and taking herself far too seriously; girl nearly gets assassinated and decides to alter the political landscape as a consequence; and the expected All Hell Breaks Loose.