I was a little startled at how well some of you seem to have me pegged. Almost everyone who played the fact-or-fiction game picked out one of the true statements. Either I’m an awful liar — which might be construed as a good thing — or you’re excellent at reading between the lines.
Below are the statements with my comments added:
1. During my summer in Japan, the Lions’ Club took me, my host family, and the other local exchange students out to bowling night. I had an amazing run of beginner’s luck with four strikeouts in a row — a pattern never since reproduced. Unfortunately, I beat their club’s champion. No one spoke to me the entire car ride home.
The disgrace part is true, but not the reason for it.
I had bowled only a few times before that fateful night and despite my best efforts, threw gutter ball after gutter ball. As the once-cheering group fell silent and grew stern, my performance only worsened. I have no idea if that Lions’ club associated their team’s honor with its bowling score, but it sure felt like it.
2. I have a thing for a well-shaped man’s ear.
Nope. Don’t even notice them. I’m much more partial to the portion of anatomy that Jess fixates on.
3. My middle name is Myrtle, which was my maternal grandmother’s name.
The first part’s true, the second false. ETA: Doh! This is what happens when you’re dealing with insomnia. This should read, “The first part’s false, the second, true.
4. My grandmother in #3 and I shared a special bond. When she was demented and I’d visit, she’d pop into moments of pure lucidity. At a time when everyone else seemed oblivious, she’d tell me I was working too hard in a gently reproachful tone
Absolutely true. She was a crusty old broad before her dementia, even more so after. But nearly every visit there would come a time when she’d pause mid-rant, grab my hand, and articulate what few other people were willing to see, never mind acknowledge.
5. I cried when I watched The Titanic, but not because of the story. Because I would never get three hours of my life back and I had to listen to the Celine Dion song. Again.
Except for the crying part, this is true. I have no idea how I might have reacted, had I been able to approach that movie without a ton of hype and preconceptions, but I couldn’t even make it to the end. I felt as if my emotions were being purposefully manipulated and grew resentful.
6. I wrote this post wearing green sweatpants, a black Mr. Bean t-shirt, a polka-dotted scrunchie, and socks so brilliantly white they might qualify as the 8th Wonder of the World.
Yes! True! Slobbery and cleanliness are not necessarily opposed to one another, people. Sheesh. And no, Glenda, you’re not going to get a look at the sweatpants, so you can just forget about asking, okay?
7. I’ve been vegetarian for almost 5 years, but last week, for no reason whatsoever, I found myself ordering a turkey sandwich in Tim Horton’s. I took one bite before I made myself throw it away.
I can’t say I haven’t had my moments where I’ve salivated over the smell of meat. There are times I’ve even thought about eating it — much in the same vein as I fantasize about standing and yelling out a swear in the middle of a church service. But that’s all, peeps. For the present, my choice feels solid.
And now, because I hinted I might, and because I’m ready to show a little more of my true self here, a picture of me with my children:
Molly insists I mention that this is a terrible photo of her. Yeah. Bet you’re snorting along with lil’ ol’ camera-phobic me.