The Tart Revealed

Close-up of a fruit tart

I was a little startled at how well some of you seem to have me pegged. Almost everyone who played the fact-or-fiction game picked out one of the true statements. Either I’m an awful liar — which might be construed as a good thing — or you’re excellent at reading between the lines.

Below are the statements with my comments added:

1. During my summer in Japan, the Lions’ Club took me, my host family, and the other local exchange students out to bowling night. I had an amazing run of beginner’s luck with four strikeouts in a row — a pattern never since reproduced. Unfortunately, I beat their club’s champion. No one spoke to me the entire car ride home.
 
The disgrace part is true, but not the reason for it. :(


I had bowled only a few times before that fateful night and despite my best efforts, threw gutter ball after gutter ball. As the once-cheering group fell silent and grew stern, my performance only worsened. I have no idea if that Lions’ club associated their team’s honor with its bowling score, but it sure felt like it.

2. I have a thing for a well-shaped man’s ear.

Nope. Don’t even notice them. I’m much more partial to the portion of anatomy that Jess fixates on. ;)

3. My middle name is Myrtle, which was my maternal grandmother’s name.

The first part’s true, the second false. ETA: Doh! This is what happens when you’re dealing with insomnia. This should read, “The first part’s false, the second, true.

4. My grandmother in #3 and I shared a special bond. When she was demented and I’d visit, she’d pop into moments of pure lucidity. At a time when everyone else seemed oblivious, she’d tell me I was working too hard in a gently reproachful tone

Absolutely true. She was a crusty old broad before her dementia, even more so after. But nearly every visit there would come a time when she’d pause mid-rant, grab my hand, and articulate what few other people were willing to see, never mind acknowledge. 

5. I cried when I watched The Titanic, but not because of the story. Because I would never get three hours of my life back and I had to listen to the Celine Dion song. Again.

Except for the crying part, this is true. I have no idea how I might have reacted, had I been able to approach that movie without a ton of hype and preconceptions, but I couldn’t even make it to the end. I felt as if my emotions were being purposefully manipulated and grew resentful.

6. I wrote this post wearing green sweatpants, a black Mr. Bean t-shirt, a polka-dotted scrunchie, and socks so brilliantly white they might qualify as the 8th Wonder of the World.

Yes! True! Slobbery and cleanliness are not necessarily opposed to one another, people. Sheesh. :) And no, Glenda, you’re not going to get a look at the sweatpants, so you can just forget about asking, okay? ;)

7. I’ve been vegetarian for almost 5 years, but last week, for no reason whatsoever, I found myself ordering a turkey sandwich in Tim Horton’s. I took one bite before I made myself throw it away.

I can’t say I haven’t had my moments where I’ve salivated over the smell of meat. There are times I’ve even thought about eating it — much in the same vein as I fantasize about standing and yelling out a swear in the middle of a church service. But that’s all, peeps. For the present, my choice feels solid.

And now, because I hinted I might, and because I’m ready to show a little more of my true self here, a picture of me with my children:

Molly, Hope, and Frank – Jasper National Park

Molly insists I mention that this is a terrible photo of her. ;) Yeah. Bet you’re snorting along with lil’ ol’ camera-phobic me.   

So comments? Questions? How did you guys feel about Titanic? Am I the only one to buck the societal trend in not being a convert? 

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19 thoughts on “The Tart Revealed

  1. Ha! I told you no woman would admit to the green sweatpants unless she was really actually wearing them. Fact: Green sweatpants are the key to the secrets of the universe. Disclaimer: I do not own any green sweatpants. Stirrup pants? Different story, LOL!

    And the Titanic? Not even going there….

  2. Well, I got one right! I also suck at bowling. No one ever wanted me on their team, not even when we played with those kiddie things blocking the gutters.

    I LOVE the picture of you and your kids. I had so much fun in Banff and on the drive to the Icefields. It really bugs me that we didn’t have more free time on that trip so I could have hung out with you.

    You definitely live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I hope I can go back there again one day.

    I like the way you combined truth and lies – you are more devious than I expected!

    I posted my truth-or-lies info, in a much wordier manner than you did. (Which should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me.)

    Thanks for playing – this was fun!

  3. I got the sweatpants one right, perhaps because you were pretty much describing what my daily uniform is. :)

    Hmm, bad photo of Molly? HAHAHAHA! Okay, I’m done now. She’s gorgeous! Nice pic of all of you!

  4. Awww!

    What a great photo! Molly looks wonderful.

    I’m sure you’re not the only who feel like crying over the Titanic for exactly the same reason, I personally decided to avoid the whole damn thing.

  5. Glinda, stirrup pants? Hee. Had I indulged in them, I think the ToolMaster would have discovered a new use for his blow torch.

    Anya, I loved bowling with the gutter blockers! As for the combination of truth and fiction, that felt a lot easier to do than make up a blatant lie.

    Laura, thanks. I think Molly’s gorgeous too. You should see her in her grad dress! Holy smokers.

    Donna, ha! Why am I not surprised you are a Titanic abstainer?

  6. Yay, I got one right! And I love the pic – what a beautiful family! Molly needs to hush. If that’s a horrible pic…? Sheesh.

    As for Titanic, I’m meh about it. Can’t stand that Celine Dion song though. Probably in part because there was always someone in my college dorm playing it over and over and over and…. My ears, they bled.

  7. Heh. I watched Titanic once, way back before the hype became horrible (just after it released to DVD or VHS or whatever). I admit, I cried. But to be fair, I think I was about 14. I have never felt the need to go back and see it again. I have better things to do with my time. :P

  8. I love to bowl and even learned well enough to usually break 100, but I can’t anymore because my wrists are so weak that even a sx-pound bowl kills me by the end of a game.

    I figured the sweatpants were true! And I knew the veg one was a lie because anybody who’s been a veg long enough isn’t going to eat a random turkey sandwich – if I’m going to feel sick at least a full day after I eat something, and KNOW it going in, that had better be a filet mignon or grilled fresh salmon. And I’ve only been veg 5 months (& wouldn’t cheat anyway, though I DO fantasize about the salmon at least once a month. I love seafood.)

  9. I didn’t play the game, but I remember the bowling story so would not have picked that one. I do know about creature comforts while at home and would have guessed the sweat pants correct…I have a rainbow of colours in my drawer, green looking perfectly normal next to the ones in hot pink. And of course, you know I have pink, polka dot Pj’s.

    Titanic… It won’t surprise you to know I loved that movie, though I admit, I watched it once, young, and have never watched it again. I prefer my memory of it being somewhat pleasant, even though I’ve since shunned Leonardo in much the same way I turned off Russell Crowe after Gladiator. Way too much ego.

  10. Tracey, I know! That song just symbolizes my problem with the movie. Everywhere I went people said, “You’ll love it. You’ve got to watch it.” I think my inner rebel kicked in.

    Bookewyrme, you are allowed to cry in the Titanic, especially at 14. I recognize my tastes are my own. :)

    Jess, I used to enjoy seafood too. But yes, you are right. If I was going to fall off the wagon it wouldn’t be for processed luncheon meat.

    Dawn, that’s right! I had told you about the bowling. And let’s just say I was pretty sure you wouldn’t get all Judgy McJudgerstein about my comfortable clothing selection. ;)

  11. Great post! I wanted my money back after Titanic too!! And at the time I worked in the film industry and everyone around me loved it and I didn’t. So glad to find other people weren’t fans!!

    (this is Maui Author from AW)

  12. Awesome post! I was also a big meh on Titanic! Plus, love the photo! You are so cute, and, OMG, could your kids be any cuter, too? Your daughter has *amazing* hair! :D

  13. Such a beautiful trio you are! Thanks for sharing yourselves (I know how hard it can be since I’m photophobic — LOL).

    I have a tendency to avoid the movies/books/whatever that get too much hype, and then by the time I finally succumb I’m REALLY underwhelmed because everyone has already told me all the “good parts”. LOL

  14. I didn’t mind the movie but OMG that song. For YEARS after the film, every time I went to Beijing I’d be assaulted by it — could not even escape by fleeing the US!

    Lovely photo, by the way!

  15. Debra, there was a time when my daughter hated her hair. Then we found a place in our little old city where they actually knew how to cut curly hair. Now I think it’s the feature of which she’s most proud. I’ll pass on your kind words. :)

    Donna, that’s me exactly — I’m seldom on the leading edge of culture, and that’s probably why I’m so often disappointed in the “hits”.

    Otherlisa, bet that song is frequently used in karaoke in China. ;)

  16. I was annoyed with Titanic until the point at the end (SPOILER ALERT!) when Winslet smacked her wrist on the board to break the DiCaprio-cicle off of her. That sound redeemed much of the movie for me. So satisfying.

  17. What a great picture! It almost looks like the background is photoshopped in. And you all look great.

    I skipped the Titanic mostly because I figured I’d have nightmares.

    Thanks for sharing!

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